Walkers French Fries: Serious health hazard

In 2008 after my cousin was blown up in Afghanistan (he broke his back and more, but somehow walks now) we visited him in Selly Oak, Birmingham.

I bought a pack of Walkers French Fries. Salt & Vinegar, since you ask. This was an unusually unique experience - after years of wishing I had bought a duff product to complain about, and get compensated for, I finally had something.

Here is my letter of complaint to Walker. I took the opportunity to take the piss, of course:

24 July 2008
Consumer Services Department
Walkers Snack Food Ltd.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I purchased my favorite crisps, your salt and vinegar French Fries from the Queen Elizabeth hospital in Birmingham, at one of their canteens. Most of the French Fries were predictably delicious, but towards the end of the pack there was an incredibly hard one. It quite hurt my teeth, and were I to dare myself to endure it anyway I could have done myself damage. It turned out there were a selection of hard ones, at least a dozen. With restraint I left them, fending off my younger sister who equally wanted to try more due to the salty, acidic taste we both love, but nay. I had to prevent her from damaging her infantile milk teeth. They surely would not have coped.

I have included the packet and it’s contents for your testing. You will come to the conclusion that I have; they are very, very hard. Perhaps somewhat uncooked. Imagine if I had bought a whole chicken from you! Would that also be uncooked? I will stick with Farmer Jerry for my chicken needs. Please may we be generously compensated in crunchy crisp form. Assuming your customer service is excellent, we will continue to buy your crisps until our slender, healthy bodies are brazenly bloated and fat with Walkers delight.

Sincerely yours,
Tom Davenport

I got sent a fiver in vouchers. They never got spent.