This is my contribution to April Fools Day 2011 for Ultimate Guitar. The bath line is my career highlight:
Emo Coalition Complain About Foo Fighters Film
A coalition of former emo fans have struck out against the Foo Fighters, saying their forthcoming 3D documentary will leave them out in the cold.
They also want the movie industry to reconsider their move to 3D after being unable to enjoy Avatar in 3D.
The problem began in the mid-2000s, when emo hit the mainstream and a trend of side-swept hair covering one eye became a fashion. Little did they know, their habit would leave them with serious visual impairment.
One side effect is their inability to watch movies in 3D, which requires stereoscopic vision to appreciate, as Lazy Eye Coalition leader Ben Palmer told UG. “It started when Avatar came out. I had to see it in 2D, and it was okay, but everyone was saying ‘Oh, you gotta see it in 3D, it’s way better’ but I couldn’t.
"They kept saying ‘2D is s—t, how do you even cross the road,’ and it’s just discrimination. On top of that, they knew I’d cry about it in public. I’m crying now.
"I feel like my face is a bath and the taps are stuck."
The rest of his group, indistinguishable with their incessant group hug and black clothing, say they want the Foo Fighters to only broadcast their film in 2D. When asked why they would even want to see a film about a regular non-emo rock band, they said “We don’t want to watch it. We just want the right to watch it.”